Stop Self-Hatred And Love Life’s Relationships More
Stop self-hatred right now! Imagine a grey cloud lurking over your head everywhere you walk. That’s exactly what you are creating for yourself when you constantly think hateful things about yourself. It’s almost like having a person follow you around and all they do is criticize you, bring you down and point out all the things that are wrong with. Every single mistake you may have made or flaw you might have. This would be completely degrading, right?
That’s the thing. You have already got this and you’re probably not even fully aware of it. Those are the kinds of people that you would make a conscious effort to get away from. Yet, you are one of those people because you’re continuously telling yourself such nasty things. You’d be surprised at how much these comments really affect your mental health and relationships.
If you’re feeling a lot of self-hatred, then it’ll be difficult for you to get away from negative criticism. Mainly because you’re doing it to yourself. However, you can fix it. You have the power to learn about self-hatred and ways to help you live a happy life filled with happy relationships.
Stop Self-Hatred If You Want Happiness
Before we get into how to stop these feelings, you need to be able to identify what it is. Often, people experience tons of self-hatred but they have no idea that they are doing it. In fact, it may seem like quite a foreign concept. I mean, why would you tell yourself hateful things?
It’s also a tricky one for outsiders to help you with. This is because it is an awkward situation and although they might know that you’re too hard on yourself. They don’t exactly know how to get you to ease up. This can cause a lot of unhappiness and can ultimately be projected onto others, That’s the last thing you need.
Here are some of the most typical self-hatred thoughts:
- ‘I knew you would fail.’
- ‘Why do you even try?’
- ‘You’re a loser.’
- ‘No one wants to be around you.’
- ‘Look at yourself screwing up again.’
- ‘Can’t you just be normal?’
Do any of these sound familiar? If you’re telling yourself negative things then I am sure some of these have raised a red flag. Basically, you become your own worst enemy. And if you keep criticizing yourself then you won’t ever be free of criticism. It’s like a constant pit of ridicule and shame – making you feel quite useless and trapped.
I believe that our thoughts are a lot stronger than we think. What manifest in your head is what eventually manifest in your life. Therefore, you will be better off thinking good things about yourself than bad in the long term.
What Causes Feelings Of Self-Hatred?
Just like that. Stop self-hatred. Hmmm…It really isn’t that simple. However, you can become aware that you’re doing it and then slowly start to change your tune.
It’s something that doesn’t happen overnight and takes time to develop. Often different experiences and factors in your life trigger it. To be specific, it’s an accumulation of different experiences. A lot of the time it’s due to having too high expectations of yourself. Everybody wants to be accepted, excel and perform optimally. But life doesn’t work like that and it’s okay to take longer than somebody else at something. What’s the point of being good at everything? You will never learn anything then. In addition, you probably set expectations of yourself that are far too high and might even be unattainable.
Guess what happens when you fail? Well, you break down. These ridiculously high expectations often lead to us falling short and feeling as if we have failed. Nobody else is judging you, except for your own inner critic who shows up loud and clear every time you do fail. These feelings of disappointment are extremely hurtful to yourself. The worst part is that you might know that your expectations are too high. Yet, the inner critic is too strong and will keep driving those unattainable statements.
You Care Too Much About Others
Okay, most of us care what other people think about us to some extent. And I feel that it is important to maintain some kind of reputation. However, do not kill yourself over it. You might have realized over the years that when you meet the needs of others, things are a lot better. And when you don’t, well, it doesn’t always end well.
Socially, you have learned that people feel happy with you when you are truly happy with yourself. This is not an ideal way to get through life. Firstly, it is a lot of unnecessary pressure. Secondly, it is exhausting to maintain. In fact, this is a very unhealthy way of thinking about relationships and can lead to significant patterns of dependent behavior.
There are many who feel completely devastated when they’re not able to meet the needs of other people. They cannot get over the feeling of knowing that they have disappointed somebody. When you continue to hate yourself because you have not met the expectations of another. You feel useless, worthless and a failure.
Lastly, these feelings of self-hatred can stem from being a perfectionist, past emotional trauma and social comparisons. The worst thing you can do is compare yourself to somebody who appears to be doing a ‘better’ job at life. Perfectionist people allow very little room for human error and want to succeed at everything – perfectly. This is generally created to protect yourself from painful experiences like shame, embarrassment and failure. The problem is when you do get it wrong – you start talking to yourself with hate again.
The point is that everybody has their past traumas and imperfections. But it’s about acknowledging these and then moving forward. You should be able to smile at your errors because we all have them.
What Impact Does Self-Hatred Have?
It affects everything. Plain and simple. Feelings of self-hatred can become so strong that you are unable to make decisions, take risks, connect with new people and achieve goals. If you are constantly feeling shameful about yourself, these feelings will be projected onto your colleagues, friends, and families. When you feel worthless or incapable, you are also probably less likely to take on projects.
Your work life might take a knock too. Instead, thinking good, positive and confidence boosting thoughts about yourself allows you to stop self-hatred and succeed in your career. You will be able to work well with others, feel cheerful around coworkers and encourage them for their efforts.
Your social life will also be affected. The people who spend time around you immediately pick up on your vibes. If you’re feeling hateful towards yourself and unworthy of love. Then, you might appear uncaring or uninterested in making special connections. Therefore, you make it challenging for others to get close to you. Sometimes feelings of self-hate are created as a way for you to protect yourself from getting hurt.
But, if you stop self-hatred and think about your behavior, you might understand why people react a certain way towards you.
Stop Self-Hatred Now
If you’re stuck in this rut then luckily there are ways you can improve your self-talk. These hateful thoughts will eventually become too overwhelming, exhausting and isolating.
When you talk to yourself hatefully, the things you say start to feel like facts because you say them so often. In reality, most of the things are not true. If you’ve become aware of doing this, then it helps to slow down and think about where the statements are coming from, You need to challenge these statements and determine if they are feelings or facts. You are the only one who can give yourself permission to encourage self-hate.
It helps to focus on your strength and not your weaknesses. If you struggle to identify them then try asking your friends and family what they are – particularly the things you don’t see in yourself. You’d be surprised at how much others do notice about you, strength included. Better yet, learn to accept a compliment. When somebody tells you something nice – soak it up and thank them! Do not shy away and tell yourself you’re unworthy.
Learn To Be Kind To You
When you talk nasty to yourself you become very harsh and unforgiving on yourself. Learn to be a bit more compassionate. It’s okay to be kind to yourself about your weakness or downfalls. Self-hatred can find it easy to be compassionate and forgiving toward others while having no compassion for yourself.
You need to practice the art of forgiveness and letting go. It is common for people who are self-critics to be focused on the past, revisiting painful moments and emotions like shame, guilt, anger, embarrassment or a sense of powerlessness. If you keep looking back, you’re leaving no room to love yourself and move forward.
You are better off concetrating on the ‘now’ and seeing how far you’ve grown. Stop self-hatred before it’s too late. Even when it feels a bit uncomfortable or different, remember that your goal is to decrease self-hatred and practice greater self-compassion.
It takes time to stop self-hatred. That’s okay. It will also feel uncomfortable and challenging at times. You might even find yourself feeling sad about this part of you. However, in time, the more you let go and allow yourself the freedom to talk positively to yourself you are allowing more happiness, peace, love, and fulfillment into your life.
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